Hitting a milestone

I didn't get out my camera until after I held her on Tuesday, so you can't see the biggest change of all here.

Cleo's breathing tube has been removed. She is currently receiving Oxygen through her nose. 

This is great news, It means less chance of infection, less change of damage to her lungs and just a happier baby, who is progressing by leaps and bounds.

They have been concerned for her lungs and the secretions that she was producing on a regular basis. 

They hoped not to start a steroid treatments to help clear here up.

She must have known what she needed to do and started really breathing on her own. She responded well to the Diuretics they put her on for her chest.

Her x-ray was more clear, and her breathing so good that they removed her tube and now she receives oxygen and minimal pressure through the tube in her nose. 

Every nurse and doctor were so excited to see that she had progressed

 and improved in such a short amount of time.

If they seem so happy, then I must believe she is doing well.

I did get to hold her again on Tuesday, it was so great. They handed her to me in a blanket where I could hold her just like you would any baby. I got to look at her face to face and study her every part for the first time.

Kangaroo holding has its pluses but this felt different. She had her eyes open and I got close to her face so she could see me, (sure her vision is BAD) and talked to her. For a moment it felt NORMAL. Something I needed to feel. For the first time I could let go of the fear in the back of my mind and just BE in the moment. I have yet to do that. I fell in LOVE even more with little CLEO-BUG!

ADDED NOTE:

Every Wednesday marks her Gestational age: This week is 31 weeks.

Every Friday marks the day she was born. This Friday she will be 4 weeks old, and she is doing well. 

We are grateful for that!

Family Visit

May 26th Saturday my kids where able to see their little sister. My oldest I am sure will never forget that day.

Madi kept saying, wow she is so tiny, to which the other two children followed suit. Owen, three and curious surprisingly didn't touch any buttons or get into trouble. He spoke softly and touched her gently on her foot. Nori, kept saying she is SO CUTE! This was a big day for them.

 

I would have liked a better picture where I am smiling at least, looking somewhat pleasant. 

Who knows, maybe I actually felt the way I looked. Funny, Owen and I have the same look! 

Nap-time , I guess.

Here I put a picture of a machine they have hooked to Cleo at all time.

 The top number is her Blood Pressure.

The Second number is her Oxygen levels.

And third number I believe is her heart rate. 

When we visit the Oxygen level will rise, and the monitor dings. 

They are referred to by many as happy dings.Notice the number here. 100 wahoo. I think she likes us!

Quick update

Yes, I have more pictures. I will post them later. Just wanted to let you know about Cleo's progress.

She is Now 2 lbs, and 6 oz. Most of the previous weight was fluid retention from the Medicine she took for PDA,  She is 14. 5 inches long. She is tolerating 17 ml of milk every 3 hours, and 24  extra calories added to make her the chubby little girl she needs to be. 

Her breathing over the last 3 days has gone from worriesome to good. She was on 54% Oxygen to 27%.  That  means she she was being supplemented with 54% of the Oxygen she needed and now is needing less to help her breath. Her chest is clearing on a new medication (diuretics) this is clearing her lungs. 

Cleo is no longer needing morphine which actually slowed her breathing. He pick line has been removed and all medication is now being given to her orally. All of these things add up, they may seem little. But they are things that Preemies (small ones) encounter and need to overcome. The nurses have said she is doing very well.

I will be posting pics soon of the visit my kids may not forget, and some other things that have happened regarding this little bug. Thank you for your prayers and know that I am grateful for your love in more ways then you will know.

AT LAST!

PROGRESS:

In this top picture she is 2 lbs. and 1 ounce.

She is a little swollen due to a medication that they were using to  close a heart valve.
This was done with a medication.

Cleo's heart valve was opened. This is called a PDA. Cleo received a round of medication that was meant to close that valve.
 As of now this valve has been closed.
They will be doing another test to see in a few weeks.    

PDA DEFINED:

 A patent ductus arteriosus, or PDA, is a type of heart defect found in babies, usually in premature babies born 8 weeks or more before their due dates.PDA occurs because the circulation of a fetus is different from that of a baby who has been born. In the fetus, the blood is oxygenated by the placenta, not the lungs. The ductus arteriosus is a fetal connection between the pulmonary artery and the aorta. The ductus arteriosus allows blood to flow from the heart out into the rest of the body, instead of going to the lungs to pick up oxygen.After birth, when the baby begins to breathe, the ductus arteriosus should close to allow blood to flow to the lungs to become oxygenated.

 If it doesn’t, a heart murmur may be heard and 

the baby may develop respiratory distress

 and poor growth. 

A PDA may close on its own or medications or surgery may be used to close it.

Cleo has been having a very difficult time breathing. She has been tolerating feedings well, after a battle.

I was told just the other day that she is feisty. That is what we need, no doubt,

 for the fight she has ahead of her.

  

CURRENT NEWS:

She is currently (May 25th) Up to 16 ml per feeding. 

That is a lot for such a tiny thing.

Her chest has been really tight and she has been struggling to breath. I am told constantly she wants to breath on her own, but is just too little to do it consistently. We are just waiting on the results of a

chest x-ray. I am praying that it will not be anything too serious.

She is currently up to 2 lbs and 10 oz. and 15 Inches. We are pleased with that.

           AT LAST!

After a difficult 2 weeks and a day, I was able to hold my little baby on May 19th. We were asked to do a Kangaroo hold. They gave us hospital gowns to wear and have us tuck her next to our chests, to keep her warm and keep her breathing steady.

As they opened the Isolate My heart was beat hard in my chest and the tears flowed down my face. My heart had been aching for this very moment. 

She was so little, so fragile and so pure. The moment felt like a glimpse into the heavens. 

I felt the presence of peace. My emotions were so uncontrollable I could hardly speak.I asked if could kiss her head. The nurses response, " She's your baby". Finally for a moment I felt she was truly mine.

There are truly no words to describe that amazing, healing moment in my life. I don't think I can do it often enough!

Brian kept saying he didn't need to hold her, I think to cope he told himself  " She isn't born yet".

That didn't work for me. 

The nurse insisted that Brian hold her, and he did.

I can't speak for all that he felt, but he say it felt like being in the temple. It was true.

Our Cleo's little body contains a strong spirit. I dare say she is also close to so many others who have passed before. What an incredible feeling to feel of a spirit who is so close to the veil, having so recently left the presence of our Heavenly Father. The feeling in the NICU is simply beyond description.

I am looking forward to holding her again.

Just a thought I have had:

I have been told by so many that they are praying for her and many have shared with me their tenderest feelings about my little girl.

"How is it that one little spirit, who only a few have physically seen and fewer have even touched, can touch the hearts of so many and that the name 'Cleo' will forever be a tender name?" 

I am so blessed to be a part of her life, and she a part of mine. This is one of the hardest things I have experienced but somehow I am allowed to see glimpses of the Savior's love for me and feel comforted, when I stop feeling sorry for  myself.   but there are days when that is too much to ask. But I make it to the next day a little stronger.

A Living Miracle:

My little Cleo Vivian Palmer came into this world at 27 weeks gestation, at 1 pound and 15.4 ounces, 13.25 inches long, May 4th, 2012. 

I was admitted to the Hospital on April 30th with extreme pre-eclampsia. After 3 days at Ogden Regional I was air lifted to U of U Hospital. My condition became increasingly worse even with the increasing medical help.
It was decided that I would it would be the safest thing to deliver the baby to save my life and the life of my unborn little girl. She was delivered emergency cesarean and our life would be changed forever in a way I never dreamed.

I saw my baby for the first time for only seconds as they held her up only to show her to me and whisked her off to the NICU.

The next time I saw her I was still in a medicated (Magnisium) Fog. She was hooked up to beeping machines, a tube down her throat and wires all over. She was in her new home, where she would be for the next three month. At least until her due date, August 1st.
She was so tiny it was incredible that she looked perfect in every way. ONLY incredibly small. She was alive because of the machines. I still find it amazing that a body of a women can do for a baby what it takes so many machines and wires to do. I was filled with emotions, Love, sadness and longing. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and hold her. Only I couldn't I had to ask permission to touch her.
Her skin was so delicate we could not stroke or rub her. I was only to lightly touch her. I just wished I could kiss her. Every mother dreams of holding there baby for the first time. I never felt that.
I was so grateful that she was in capable hands and was thriving. I knew I couldn't do for her what they could now. I felt saddened that I could no longer care for her.  Feelings of guilt swept through me. What could I have done to keep her inside longer, to avoid this event now. (There is nothing I could have done, I logically knew that.)

I was overwhelmed with the road that was ahead of us. It would be a long time of ups and downs. I wondered, (and still do) if I could handle it.
Day by Day, I knew that. But I don't always think that.

She would be our miracle, she would be the one to show us the power of prayers and trust. This would purify me. Strengthen me and test my limits. I will never be the same. Dealing with this was going to be one of the hardest trials in my life, to this point. Prayers fill my heart constantly.

Saying goodbye:

I was in the hospital for another 5 days after her birth as they tried to stabilize my condition, my blood pressures were still uncontrollable at last it was time to go home. 

Finally being discharged from the hospital was the most wonderful time for me. Having to be apart from my other Three kids was heart wrenching and I wanted nothing more then to be with them. Ten days was a long time to be with out them. (Though, a planned vacation seems like 10 days isn't enough time.) Sitting in a hospital however makes you miss life even with the stress that my kids may bring. 

But leaving  the hospital meant something else, I could just go and see my baby when ever I wanted.

When the moment came to say goodbye and go home, I came to Cleo's Isolate put my hands on her  little body and started to weep. There was an instinct I felt surge for only a second, I wanted to scoop her up and take her home. I knew I couldn't do that. It would mean death. None the less I felt it. Tears fell from my eyes and the nurse handed me  some tissues and kindly put her arms around me and let me cry. I don't know how long I was there looking and just touching my baby, but I wanted time to stop. And yet I wanted the time to go quickly so that she could come home with me. 

We live an hour away and I have 3 other children and many obligations, Plus the price of gas I knew coming daily was no longer a luxury I could enjoy. This broke my heart.

I love you little Cleo Bug!