It has been a week since I posted....wow, that went fast!
Well, SHE IS HOME!!!!
Let me give you the candid and true events that happened in the process of getting this little miracle from the NICU to our home.
Friday night, my last post I was filled with anxiety and excitement. I knew it was going to be a hard night so I even opted to sleep on the couch, so my husband could at least get the rest he needed.
As soon as I turned out the lights and rested my head my brain charged forward with an unforgiving force. I couldn't stop the onslaught of thoughts that attacked me and robbed me of my sleep.
"Was this crisis coming to an end for me? Was my family going to be together again? Was I going to be able to care for my child at last like a mother should? Will she be okay? Will I be okay? I have so much to do."
I couldn't believe we were actually going to be out of this darkened place soon. I would only hope my heart could be put back into its rightful spot and I could pick up the pieces and put them all here into my home. Being torn into two places is truly exhausting and impossible to continue for great lengths of time.
With the help of Melatonin I slept for 4 hours. 12-4 am. NOT MUCH.
I woke up at 4am my head swimming with thoughts I couldn't shut off again to sleep, I didn't want to take another melatonin. Nor did I want to start all the projects I needed to do, I really just wanted another few hours asleep, alas, it evaded me. So I did catch the Olympics swim team, That was good distraction (note though, that watching the US swim teams is NOT relaxing.) I finally started to fall asleep when my daughter woke up at 6:30 and her TIP TOES up the steps was enough to jolt me from my precious sleep. I was doomed. Frustration of this lack of sleep would be my enemy this day and the next two days to come.
Saturday was a stress filled morning for me, I felt it prudent to get caught up on laundry, dishes and other cleaning projects that were mundane and proved to be impossible considering my weary mind, soul, heart and body. I pushed through only to find myself nearly falling over from the weight of the events of the last two months the lack of sleep, excessive worry and excitement mounting. I fell into my bed and slept, for what seemed like hours, but was ONLY fifteen minutes. Rats.
I don't want to downplay the excitement or happiness I was feeling at this time. But I knew I was about to room in with my daughter for the first night with her monitors and oxygen. Plus, the unending instruction I was about to receive, then after that, I NEW baby in the house. As we know that is the beginning of sleepless nights for yet another reason. MY BABY was finally coming home and I was about to began a new chapter of my life on very little sleep, this would have been easier had I been rested.
I think I will skip to the night of Saturday July 28th. Let me make this simple by saying this.
Rooming in for me equaled NO SLEEP. Her home monitor wasn't picking up correctly, the oxygen from the wall was loose and the alarm for her oxygen levels was set too high, too loud and was extremely sensitive.
Having had no sleep. I finally got all the bugs worked out by 5:00 then was awaken by her monitor at 6:30. NO I am not joking. This means I have now had an hour and a half of sleep in 30 hours.
I was in with the nurses asking if they could PLEASE keep my baby until she is off of oxygen. Thinking if this was my life for the next 2-3 months or until she is off the monitor there is no way anyone can function on this amount of sleep. I wanted her home, but not like this. There is no way I could care for my family much less my baby with this amount of sleep.
Let me move on: The good news is things are better, we have been getting fair amounts of sleep.
So after many instructions that my husband understood and absorbed, because I could not.
We packed her in her car seat and we wept and we smiled and we wept and we laughed. We hugged our friends, our favorite nurses, minus our night nurse who was sick the week that she was to go home.
SO SAD! Truly sad, she has been caring for Cleo since day two, and has been able to help her in ways that the Doctors could not until she stepped in with my Day nurse.
I will post pictures now and perhaps give more details later as my family is eating, and I am hungry.
I want to tell you more about what it means to have her home.
And how the transition has gone. So much to tell and so little time.
This little Girl is what all the fuss was about, she is worth it, OH SO WORTH IT!
Well, SHE IS HOME!!!!
Let me give you the candid and true events that happened in the process of getting this little miracle from the NICU to our home.
Friday night, my last post I was filled with anxiety and excitement. I knew it was going to be a hard night so I even opted to sleep on the couch, so my husband could at least get the rest he needed.
As soon as I turned out the lights and rested my head my brain charged forward with an unforgiving force. I couldn't stop the onslaught of thoughts that attacked me and robbed me of my sleep.
"Was this crisis coming to an end for me? Was my family going to be together again? Was I going to be able to care for my child at last like a mother should? Will she be okay? Will I be okay? I have so much to do."
I couldn't believe we were actually going to be out of this darkened place soon. I would only hope my heart could be put back into its rightful spot and I could pick up the pieces and put them all here into my home. Being torn into two places is truly exhausting and impossible to continue for great lengths of time.
With the help of Melatonin I slept for 4 hours. 12-4 am. NOT MUCH.
I woke up at 4am my head swimming with thoughts I couldn't shut off again to sleep, I didn't want to take another melatonin. Nor did I want to start all the projects I needed to do, I really just wanted another few hours asleep, alas, it evaded me. So I did catch the Olympics swim team, That was good distraction (note though, that watching the US swim teams is NOT relaxing.) I finally started to fall asleep when my daughter woke up at 6:30 and her TIP TOES up the steps was enough to jolt me from my precious sleep. I was doomed. Frustration of this lack of sleep would be my enemy this day and the next two days to come.
Saturday was a stress filled morning for me, I felt it prudent to get caught up on laundry, dishes and other cleaning projects that were mundane and proved to be impossible considering my weary mind, soul, heart and body. I pushed through only to find myself nearly falling over from the weight of the events of the last two months the lack of sleep, excessive worry and excitement mounting. I fell into my bed and slept, for what seemed like hours, but was ONLY fifteen minutes. Rats.
I don't want to downplay the excitement or happiness I was feeling at this time. But I knew I was about to room in with my daughter for the first night with her monitors and oxygen. Plus, the unending instruction I was about to receive, then after that, I NEW baby in the house. As we know that is the beginning of sleepless nights for yet another reason. MY BABY was finally coming home and I was about to began a new chapter of my life on very little sleep, this would have been easier had I been rested.
I think I will skip to the night of Saturday July 28th. Let me make this simple by saying this.
Rooming in for me equaled NO SLEEP. Her home monitor wasn't picking up correctly, the oxygen from the wall was loose and the alarm for her oxygen levels was set too high, too loud and was extremely sensitive.
Having had no sleep. I finally got all the bugs worked out by 5:00 then was awaken by her monitor at 6:30. NO I am not joking. This means I have now had an hour and a half of sleep in 30 hours.
I was in with the nurses asking if they could PLEASE keep my baby until she is off of oxygen. Thinking if this was my life for the next 2-3 months or until she is off the monitor there is no way anyone can function on this amount of sleep. I wanted her home, but not like this. There is no way I could care for my family much less my baby with this amount of sleep.
Let me move on: The good news is things are better, we have been getting fair amounts of sleep.
So after many instructions that my husband understood and absorbed, because I could not.
We packed her in her car seat and we wept and we smiled and we wept and we laughed. We hugged our friends, our favorite nurses, minus our night nurse who was sick the week that she was to go home.
SO SAD! Truly sad, she has been caring for Cleo since day two, and has been able to help her in ways that the Doctors could not until she stepped in with my Day nurse.
I will post pictures now and perhaps give more details later as my family is eating, and I am hungry.
I want to tell you more about what it means to have her home.
And how the transition has gone. So much to tell and so little time.
Yaay, she is home! I know this is when the work really begins, but it's so much easier to not have to commute!
ReplyDeleteMadi's o2 sat monitors drove me NUTS for the first few weeks. I hated the constant beeping. Strangely, I did get used to it- after we figured out how to turn it down really low. All I can say, is rest & sleep when you can, even if it is just in little snippets here and there. You will have ministering angels all around you to help you! You look great, by the way. So does little Cleo- those photos are priceless!!
Thanks, we will adjust!
ReplyDelete