Brimming with anxiety, excitement and overwhelmed. Not only will I know have four kids, but now I will have a preemie, on Oxygen.
I couldn't be more grateful for the many miracles that have taken place. JUST HOPE I CAN SLEEP! Took a melatonin for tonight. So tired don't know if typing is going to go well or my thoughts will make sense as it kicks in. But can't shut off my brain.
So excited and nervous to bring her home. Rooming in at the hospital Friday night. NEED Sleep, this may be the last night of good sleep for months. Like I haven't been restless and worried or woken up in the middle of the night for the last almost 3 months anyway. And really with three kids already at home, we rarely go one week with out being woken up at the very least one night, or my hubby and I wake each other up. Needless to say, I'd say we are usually always exhausted.
I have so much I want to do, but for now I think I will have to stick to the basics, I just don't think I will have the time or the energy to clean like I want to. She won't care will she? She won't need to lay on my carpets or even bathe in my tub for a long time. I think I will squeeze it in later. Those things won't stop needing it anyway.
I had the ambition to sew a nursing cover, have the fabric and ran out of time. Get to that later too.
Like I posted earlier, I was thinking we had another week, and I really didn't have time even then, with the traveling and the other 3 kids it has been all I can do to rotate my laundry, cook dinner and clean the kitchen.
I think I will just have to say to the plans I had for cleaning my house a principle I have now learned.
IT IS WHAT IT IS, or in this case It looks like what it looks like, throw out my ideal homecoming and just think
BABY IS HERE, BABY IS HERE, BABY IS HERE.
And just say to myself " LET IT GO"
My hubby is going to be home with me all of next week, so between us we may actually get something done.
We'll see. "Who cares, as long as I can wipe the surfaces I need to, sanitize the house, stock up on diapers, hand sanitizers , soap and get the laundry pile a little smaller, I'll call it good.
I am afraid my melatonin is kicking in, my typing is getting progressively worse. Can't even type with out retyping every other word. Good night. Hopefully putting all these thoughts out there into cyber space somewhere will at least empty my head to get a somewhat restful sleep, after all melatonin doesn't usually work all night for me. I better get sleep while my body can no longer stay awake.
Sorry for grammatical errors, misspellings or any other problems in this blog. I am sure you can guess why, thank you vitamin makers for helping rest my mind long enough to sleep even a little.
Wish me luck.
I couldn't be more grateful for the many miracles that have taken place. JUST HOPE I CAN SLEEP! Took a melatonin for tonight. So tired don't know if typing is going to go well or my thoughts will make sense as it kicks in. But can't shut off my brain.
So excited and nervous to bring her home. Rooming in at the hospital Friday night. NEED Sleep, this may be the last night of good sleep for months. Like I haven't been restless and worried or woken up in the middle of the night for the last almost 3 months anyway. And really with three kids already at home, we rarely go one week with out being woken up at the very least one night, or my hubby and I wake each other up. Needless to say, I'd say we are usually always exhausted.
I have so much I want to do, but for now I think I will have to stick to the basics, I just don't think I will have the time or the energy to clean like I want to. She won't care will she? She won't need to lay on my carpets or even bathe in my tub for a long time. I think I will squeeze it in later. Those things won't stop needing it anyway.
I had the ambition to sew a nursing cover, have the fabric and ran out of time. Get to that later too.
Like I posted earlier, I was thinking we had another week, and I really didn't have time even then, with the traveling and the other 3 kids it has been all I can do to rotate my laundry, cook dinner and clean the kitchen.
I think I will just have to say to the plans I had for cleaning my house a principle I have now learned.
IT IS WHAT IT IS, or in this case It looks like what it looks like, throw out my ideal homecoming and just think
BABY IS HERE, BABY IS HERE, BABY IS HERE.
And just say to myself " LET IT GO"
My hubby is going to be home with me all of next week, so between us we may actually get something done.
We'll see. "Who cares, as long as I can wipe the surfaces I need to, sanitize the house, stock up on diapers, hand sanitizers , soap and get the laundry pile a little smaller, I'll call it good.
I am afraid my melatonin is kicking in, my typing is getting progressively worse. Can't even type with out retyping every other word. Good night. Hopefully putting all these thoughts out there into cyber space somewhere will at least empty my head to get a somewhat restful sleep, after all melatonin doesn't usually work all night for me. I better get sleep while my body can no longer stay awake.
Sorry for grammatical errors, misspellings or any other problems in this blog. I am sure you can guess why, thank you vitamin makers for helping rest my mind long enough to sleep even a little.
Wish me luck.
You have endured well. You have mourned out the trouble spots. You have resigned yourself to the things that are less than ideal. You have your baby back. What a wonderful woman. What a wonderful mother. No one can understand unless they have faced it. And out of a desire to give your family the space it needs, you may be alone more than you hoped for. There may not be as many updates as she's more stable, and you may feel forgotten. But I know that all through this grueling, heart-wrenching process you never have been. May you continue to feel the sustaining and love that you require. May you know as we strive to give you elbow room that you are not alone and we love you very, VERY much!
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